Fear and survival became the norm within my pandemic and post-pandemic life. Trust in so many facets of my life started to breakdown. I felt like all I could do was try to cope and attempt to keep functioning amidst the fear.

I have learned that coping leads to actions of numbing. Numbing of the senses helps humans continue to function – it is a natural survival strategy. Numbing can take many forms and some examples include the following:

• staying so busy that you are unable to notice or process the overwhelming feelings and sensations
• numbing with alcohol
• numbing with legal or illegal substances
• numbing with the consumption of food
• television over-consumption
• virtual reality gaming
• doom scrolling on social media sites
• …just to name a few…

All of these activities are harmless and can be part of a healthy and active lifestyle. However, in excess these activities become a band-aid to dull the pain. I believe that the pull towards these addictions is a combination of fear and a lack of feeling safe. Deep within ourselves, we crave “more”, knowing that something is “off”, but we are struggling to trust anyone beyond ourselves. When we start to feel an inability to trust others and a need to numb pain, survival mode has been unleashed: new habits start forming that can lead to addictions.

Addictions according to Wayne Dyer is a need or craving for more of what you do not want. No child aspires to be a crack-addict, unemployed and struggling when they grow up. It happens as a result of pain, a need to numb the feelings, and it manifests in addictions. You know what I am talking about: You don’t want to be tired the next day, and you tell yourself this is the last show you will watch. But, at 1 am you still push the “Yes, I am still watching” button on Netflix. Addictions: regretting your choices but feeling powerless to change your actions.

There is a way to change the patterns that you have created. You didn’t wake up one morning addicted to video games. The addiction was a slow and gradual process. It was one choice at a time that built up into a daily habit. An ability to release whatever numbing or coping mechanism that has been adopted is the exact same brain, re-wiring process. Addictions will not disappear overnight. A new daily habit of re-thinking and small actions will re-wire your brain. These new habits will help your mind and body understanding that you are safe. These actions engage new healthy patterns, and these actions need to start as conscious choices.

Our body is designed to keep us safe. If we touch something hot, we will pull away before we mentally register the heat. Our body and mind connection is amazing. Bodies want to conserve energy and take the path of least resistance. Ironically, positive change is not supported by the path of least resistance. Only by being aware that our bodies and brains are trying to protect us can we override the “safety system”. It is easier to continue with a habit than to do something new. It is easier to crawl into bed than go to the gym. It is easier to eat chips than to cook a healthy meal. The default is “easy” – even if it isn’t good for us.

A need to feel safe is the first step in healing. Be kind to yourself, as you reflect on the areas of your life that you want to change and the habits that you want to break. Recognise that these habits were formed to keep you safe – your body has been trying to protect you. Thank your body and mind for trying to keep you safe. Secondly, start to pay attention to the small daily occurrences. For example, what has happened that makes you crave an escape? Give yourself time to slow down and start processing what is happening around you. Slow. Listen. Watch. Gift yourself kindness. Give yourself time.

I start my morning by affirming that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I use self-talk to reassure myself that there are no mistakes or missteps in life. I hold onto the fact that I am walking through each lesson in life that I need to learn. Each circumstance has a purpose. I have noticed a mindset shift starting to occur when I start looking forward in life, rather than backwards. If I keep looking back at the past wanting to make changes and “beat myself up” or regret past actions, I am not paying attention to the “now”. In this distracted state, I will trip over obstacles that I have chosen not to see (because I am consumed with my past and looking behind me). Our bodies are designed with eyes in the front, for forward smooth motion. I feel that this parallel can be found in our life lessons.

I should learn from my past, but I am not designed to dwell in my past. I need to ensure that I am looking forward and reflecting upon the energy that I am bringing into the present moment. I am choosing to give myself time to think about what lessons I am intended to learn in this lifetime. I want to bring that wisdom of my past into my current journey. I choose to keep moving forward. I am choosing to live in the now. I am choosing to keep loving others. I am choosing peace. I am choosing ease. I am choosing forgiveness. Universal laws are teaching me that what I give, I will get back.

The following ideas are things that I have been doing to re-wire my habits to create a lasting change in my life, to dispel fear and move beyond “survival mode” and into healing.

• I keep a daily log of my days. My successes result in stickers. (LOL! Yup-stickers still work on old people with young hearts) This tracking method allows me to reflect on my wins. Re-reading past victories helps keep me moving forward during rough weeks.
• I have challenged myself to try new things on a regular basis. New experiences, new courses, and talking with people who bring new perspectives into my life. I have been going out of my comfort zone. I am choosing to fail at activities, with an understanding that gaining new skills does not produce immediate results. So, while I learn, I am kind to myself and choose laughter and fun, rather than perfection and achievement.
• I have given myself permission to “be”. I am a “doer”: I see a need and take action. I am choosing to slow down. I don’t need to fix every need I see in the world. I am choosing to trust in the goodness that exists in the world. Believing in something Bigger than myself brings perspective to my circumstances.
• I have explored mindfulness and gratitude. For example, Thich Nhat Hanh encourages his readers to do smile meditations. He encourages you to smile at every stop light and red light. This exercise allowed me to find an activity (stopping at a red light) that normally brought frustration or a frown to my face and re-wired my brain into a gratefulness – reminding me that slowing down in life is a gift.
• When fears or ideas of doubt creep into my mind, I start imagining the best outcome (not the worst). Nikki Dyer in her youtube channel asks listeners to live their best life twice. Honestly, this mind-set is game changer. As I plan my day mentally or get caught up thinking about the future, I remind myself to imagine the best case scenario. (I have learned that imagining a worst case situation is a natural protective response. It is a coping mechanism, trying to assure us that we can handle anything that happens. It is again one of our mind and body’s ways of trying to keep us safe.)
• I have started to become aware of the words that follow “I am”. I have started to ensure that my self-talk is life affirming and positive. Sometimes we are often the most critical of ourselves. What I say about myself will soon become my reality. I will live out how I think. When I become aware of fear creeping in, I will mentally tell myself, “I am safe.”
• Lastly, I have been using my imagination for good: I imagine the change that I want to see and start taking small everyday steps to get me there. Two steps forward and one step back is still moving forward.

To find healing we need to take risks, start moving forward and make small daily changes. Fear and trust are both believing in the unseen, yet they each have very different outcomes.

Photo Credit: Julien Tromeur on Unsplash

Want to go further? Below is a meditation by Lavendaire for healing and letting go. Even if you don’t meditate, she has some really amazing thoughts about healing in this video.